After eating an entire bull, a mountain lion felt so good he started roaring. He kept it up until a hunter came along...and shot him. The moral: When you're full of bull, keep...your mouth shut.

If you find yourself in a hole, the first thing to do is stop digging.

Never smack a man who's chewing tobacco.

It don't take a genius to spot a goat in a flock of sheep.

Never ask a barber if he thinks you need a haircut.

Never follow good whiskey with water, unless you're out of good whiskey.

Good judgment comes from experience, and a lot of that comes from bad judgment.

Always drink upstream from the herd.

Never drop your gun to hug a grizzly.

If you're riding ahead of the herd, take a look back every now and then to make sure it's still there.

When you give a lesson in meanness to a critter or a person, don't be surprised if they learn their lesson.

When you're throwing' your weight around, be ready to have it thrown around by somebody else.

Letting the cat out of the bag is a whole lot easier than putting it back in.

Always take a good look at what you're about to eat. It's not so important to know what it is, but it's critical to know what it was.

The quickest way to double your money is to fold it over and put it back in your pocket.

Never miss a good chance to shut up.

Never kick a fresh cow chip on a hot day.

I was thinking that women should put pictures of missing husbands on beer cans!

I was thinking about old age and decided that it is when you still have something on the ball but you are just too tired to bounce it.

- posted by Doc @ 3:20 AM