01. I don’t use the cell phone in the car. I have to keep my hands free for making gestures.

02. The key to a nice-looking lawn is a good mower. My next door neighbor tells me that she recommends one who is muscular and shirtless.

03. Most women are looking for is a guy who'll do what they want, when they want, for as long as they want, and then go away. Or wait nearby, like a Dust Buster, charged up and ready when needed.

04. My idea of rebooting is kicking somebody in the butt twice.

05. Take every birthday with a grain of salt. This works much better if the salt accompanies a Margarita.

06. The only two things we do with greater frequency in middle age are urinating and attending funerals .

07. The trouble with bucket seats is that not everybody has the same size bucket.

08. To err is human; but it takes a computer to really mess things up!

09. Do you realize that in about forty years, we'll have millions of old ladies running around with tattoos and pierced navels?

10. Money can't buy happiness--but it can get you a great big yacht so you can pull up right along side of it.

11. If after a certain age, you don't wake up aching somewhere...you may be dead.

12. If you are going to burn our flag, please make sure to wrap yourself in it first.

13. If you woke up breathing, congratulations! You have another chance.

14. I think, therefore IBM.

Labels: Middle of the Night Summer Ramblings