Signs Of Too Much Coffee



1. You answer the door before people knock.
2. Juan Valdez named his donkey after you.
3. You grind your coffee beans in your mouth.
4. You sleep with your eyes open.
5. You lick your coffeepot clean.
6. You're the employee of the month at the local coffeehouse and you don't even work there.
7. You've worn out your third pair of tennis shoes this week.
8. Your eyes stay open when you sneeze.
9. You chew on other people's fingernails.
10. All your kids are named "Joe."
11. You don't need a hammer to pound nails.
12. Your only source of nutrition comes from "Sweet & Low."
13. You ski uphill.
14. You can't remember the last time you blinked.
15. You've worn out the handle on your favorite mug.
16. You want to be cremated when you die so that you can spend the rest of eternity in a Coffee Can.
17. You walk 20 miles on your treadmill before you realize it's not plugged in.
18. You want to come back as a coffee mug in your next life.
19. You forget to unwrap candy bars before eating them.
20. When someone asks how you're doing, you answer, "Good to the last drop."
21. Your coffee thermos has wheels.
22. Your lips are permanently stuck in the sipping position.
23. You have a picture of your coffee mug on your coffee mug.
24. You can outlast the Energizer bunny.
25. You short out motion detectors.
26. You think being called a "drip" is a compliment.
27. You help your dog change its tail
28. You soak your dentures in a cup of coffee overnight.
29. Instant coffee takes too long.
30. You get a speeding ticket even when you're parked.
31. You speed walk in your sleep.
32. You just completed another sweater and you don't know how to knit.
33. You have to watch videos in fast-forward.
34. The only time you're standing still is during an earthquake.
35. You can take a picture of yourself from 10 feet away without using the timer.
36. The nurse needs a scientific calculator to take your pulse.
37. You have a T-shirt that says, "Decaffeinated coffee is the devil's blend."
38. You've worn the finish off your coffee table.
39. Starbucks actually owns the mortgage on your house.
40. You can channel surf faster without a remote.
41. You don't sweat, you percolate.
42. You're offended when people use the word "brew" to refer to beer.
43. You think CPR stands for "coffee provides resuscitation."
44. You don't even wait for the water to boil anymore.
45. You introduce your spouse as your coffeemate.
46. Your first-aid kit contains two pints of coffee with an I.V hookup.
- posted by Doc @ 8:36 PM